You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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