I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
