If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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