As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
