"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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