your room smells of hookers.
And success
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
