You don't have asthma, your pregnant
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
