nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
