yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
