I'm so fucking centered right now
Your tits are I can't wait for
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
