I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
