I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
