No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
