it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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