Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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