somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
did you just send me my own nude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
