I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
