everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Did I show you my penis last night?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
