idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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