I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
