had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
