This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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