Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
