So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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