Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
