Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
