We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
