I will die if light touches me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize