You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
