i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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