hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
