We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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