We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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