I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize