I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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