I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
