You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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