There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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