I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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