he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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