Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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