my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
