I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
