I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize