we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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