thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am midnight drunk by noon
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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