I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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