the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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