i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
