that's an acceptable place to lick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
