just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
