Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
