At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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