he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
