She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
