I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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