Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
