So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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