Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize