I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
