You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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