theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
