just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
