The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
