Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
