my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
