just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
