Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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