my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
