She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
