i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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