So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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