my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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