My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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