There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
