If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
