How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
PANTIES FOUND
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