I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize