LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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