he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
