Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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