it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
