whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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