fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
