do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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