i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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