Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
