So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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