Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
