ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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