Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
