the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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