my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
