So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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