she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
