Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
