think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
