Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
